“I last one of my best friends to a brain tumor almost a year ago. I think of her every day and thoug asdfadsf ”

I last one of my best friends to a brain tumor almost a year ago. I think of her every day and thought the hurt would eventually go away, despite the fact I held her hand as she took her last breath I still hurt as much as I did then. I also resent other members in our group of friends because they weren't there for her nearly enough I'm still filled with anger and sadness, and all my life I've questioned God's existence, but now I know he he cannot exist. I miss her so much and hurt despite my great support net.