“If you start with the solution, she’ll resist because she doesn’t see the problem yet. H asdfadsf ”

If you start with the solution, she'll resist because she doesn't see the problem yet. Have her make a list of all the problem in her life (you do it too) and ask her, if she agrees there's a problem, how long she can tolerate it for if there's no change. Ultimately if you're a history of judging her, she may only listen to a friend. Try to contact one.